I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
