There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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