There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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