wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
