just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
