Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize