Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
