Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
