Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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