I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
