I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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