there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have fence marks all over my body
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
