dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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