You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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