He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Are we still banned from the library?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
