Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
