just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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