You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
