Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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