Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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