Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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