Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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