I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
