i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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