I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
