How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
