i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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