You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
