Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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