do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
