I will die if light touches me.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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