I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
