I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
