so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
