Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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