so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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