Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
