First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
