he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
