I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
