Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Terrible idea I love it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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