Soap is not a condiment
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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