i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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