I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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