He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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