Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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