Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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