Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize