And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
