Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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