on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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