i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
